Parenting Excerpts

On Co-Sleeping - By Jennifer E. Moore

The following excerpt was reprinted with permission from Hats Off Books.

I love sharing a bed. I always have. Even as a child, I would pile up stuffed animals and dolls around me in my bed until I felt so cuddled and warm that I would fall asleep in a heartbeat....

When our son Sebastian (Seb) was born, (my husband) Andy and I lived in a one-room apartment, so, as the large majority of new parents do, we set up a crib next to our bed.

I breastfeed, and do so on demand. In the first few weeks after Seb was born, I would get out of bed during the night, and go over to the crib to pick up an already fussy or crying baby to nurse. This went on for about six weeks until Andy attended a new fathers class at our local hospital. During this class, he learned…about co-sleeping.

After the class, Andy asked me if I wanted to try co-sleeping. I was hesitant, afraid of either rolling over and crushing Seb, or smothering his tiny body in the middle of the night. Since I trust Andy’s instincts and ideas, however, I agreed to try it for the night and see how we felt about it in the morning. The night was a normal night in terms of frequency of Seb’s nursing, but I noticed something big; he didn’t get to the point of crying at all during the night. Instead, I, almost as in a dream, would offer him my breast before anyone (myself and Andy included) became fully awake and unable to easily fall back asleep. I was amazed! Seb not only didn’t cry all night, but I think the three of us actually slept better than when he had been in the crib.

The woman who spoke at Andy’s new fathers class…told me later that a mother’s body adjusts to having her child nearby in bed, and it is nearly impossible for one to crush a co-sleeping child….

Since Seb sleeps next to me, I am careful about my pillow arrangement…I usually use half of one, and the other half is near Andy…Our now king-size bed is placed against our bedroom wall, so Seb has the wall on one side and his momma on the other.

I know some expecting parents who don’t even consider co-sleeping, since they like the idea of having their own space at night, and enjoy decorating a nursery. As far as decorating a nursery goes…I think that money could be spent on much better things for the new baby, or even pampering for the parents-to-be. Andy and I plan on letting Seb choose the décor for his own room when the time comes, and we don’t mind sharing our bed with him. It hasn’t hurt our marriage or our sex life, either. Actually, Seb is expecting a new brother or sister in February….

In America , co-sleeping is not ‘usual’ for most families. The reasons vary from the belief that a baby needs to be ‘independent’ from day one, to the American dream of every man owning his own piece of property – meaning, for a new baby, having his or her own room and crib…I have also learned that in previous generations, babies who had their own cribs were usually from the wealthier families, and only the poor ‘country folk’ co-slept. Maybe that stigma still exists in the minds of parents and grandparents….

Andy and I still get negative feedback regarding our co-sleeping decision, mostly regarding the belief that Seb won’t ever be able to sleep by himself, or that it will be hard to ‘get him out’ when we want him to leave. He just celebrated his first birthday and, trust me, this child can sleep anywhere….From what I have been told by other co-sleeping parents, children do not co-sleep forever. Depending on the child, youngsters eventually decide to have their own place to sleep somewhere between two and five years old….

As I mentioned earlier, we are expecting blessing number two in a few months, and both our children will be welcome to continue to sleep with us…We used to think that we would try to transition Seb to his own room – after all, our current apartment has two bedrooms – but after serious consideration, we think, ‘why bother?’. The only reason we would move him would be to satisfy those who ask, “Is he shill sleeping in bed with you?” to which our answer will be, for Seb and any other child who desires, “Yes.”

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